Washing Jeans

Some people wash their jeans every time they wear them, ignoring the well known fact that jeans don't get dirty.  I have compiled a list of reasons why you should ever wash your jeans.

1.

Trick question.  There is no circumstance in which you should ever wash your jeans. 

Instead I've compiled a short list of tips and tricks for some of the trickiest scenarios.

1) If you shit in them. Don't worry this one is conditional.  Scoop out the shit and pat with a damp paper towel.  Don't rub!  Then use a tide-to-go pen and you're good to go.  Smell ya later shit stain! 

2) If you bleed on them.  You are in a car crash that leaves your legs mangled.  It also leaves your jeans bloody and dirty, what do you do?  Throw em out.  You don't need jeans anymore.  But as for your blood-spattered denim vest?  Turn it inside out.  Wear immediately. 

3) If you have grass stains on them and everyone keeps noticing the frequency that you wear them because you totally dropped the ball by distinguishing them.  Easy.  Put grass stains on all your jeans.  Whut up?!